<3 fine art and thrift stores

<$

I keep getting this warning about my office products not being activated but these are legit so I don’t understand why I’m getting this message. And its very annoying.

So I’ve spent the last 2 hours cropping pictures from an old yearbook and I am so stressed out right now its not even funny. I may have to scrap this whole job. Because this is taking so much longer then I had anticipated. And staring at this screen like this is giving me a wicked headache. I really want to do well for this lady but man this is taking way way way longer then I thought because what she wants is ridiculous. I cropped 4 pages of headshots and I have 19 more pages! I sent her an email trying to explain that this just wasn’t possible the way she wants and I will talk to her in the morning when she drops off her grandson. I want them to have a nice show at the reunion but man there is no way I will have done what she wants done by next Friday.

Today was stressful but at least my hair looked good? I woke up exhausted again. I hate that this is the last week of camp and I’m tired every day. I don’t know if it’s the stress or what but it sucks. Though today was actually fun overall. Kenny was given to another class that had lost a counselor for the morning because of a broken rib. And the kids we not great. We started the day with a game and it went well but then things went down.

First we went to the circus and I found 5 kids standing on something that wasn’t supposed to be stood on to the point where a regular guest confronted me and let me know what was happening. I was not trilled. Colleen decided to sit them all out for 10 minutes, which I felt was long, but hopefully they got the message. I am not the best when it comes to calling those things. And honestly I hope Colleen and Kenny feel I’m pulling my weight in the class. I know I’m not the best at leading the activities but I’m trying. My personality just isn’t as big as theirs’ and I don’t always jump up to do things like they do. I don’t know its making me anxious but I’m trying to be positive.

Then also while we were in circus my one CT asked if he could go to the bathroom, which always baffles me but I get it theyre still in hightschool, but then he didn’t come back for 20 minutes. We come to find out he was on the phone in the hall. So Colleen pulls him aside and just asks that he not do that and just try to be there and present and helpful because we were short staffed and he was like “yeah! I just needed to talk to my mom, sorry!” and it was cool.

Then about a half hour later when Kenny came back the CT goes over to him and starts saying how he didn’t feel great and how he was sorry but he probably had to go home so I go over to check it out. And he tells me the same but then when I asked if he had told Jess or Amber, his managers, he looked confused and said he didn’t know he had to do that. And we said its fine just go do that so they can find someone to cover him, and he tells s that his mom is outside and he was leaving right then. Which means he had been on the phone with his mom asking her to come get him. AND HE NEVER TOLD US. EVEN AFTER COLLEEN TALKED TO HIM. I was so mad. Like dude I know your 16 but this is a job and that is not cool at all. Sure if you are sick or don’t feel well go home but you don’t just jump ship without a word and basically lie.

Ugh.

But the rest of the day went well. Nothing of note.  A skateboarder did jump over Colleen and 4 other people though that was cool.

I had lunch outside and read my book and it was beautiful.

I got home at 530 and felt pretty terrible all of a sudden. So I laid down until 6 and then had some food. Breakfast for dinner. Then I sat down and got to work on this powerpoint. I may have to tell her that tis project just isn’t going to work in the timeframe I have. Plus she gave me another yearbook on a flashdrive but its just one pdf. One HUGE pdf. I cant do anything with it basically. I’m going to try some stuff on it but man this is not going well.  Its taking forever. I mean put it this way, if it were a college project you would have a whole semester to complete it. I have 2 weeks.

I stopped working on that a little bit ago and started packing a lunch but felt dizzy so I came back to sit down. Maybe I’l just buy lunch tomorrow. I packed snacks anyway.

Now though I will sleep. Wish me luck sleeping. 

How is it only Tuesday? I feel like I’ve been going for weeks now. Just very beat and cant wait to get in bed after the million other things I need to do tonight get done.

I woke up so miserable today. I just wanted to keep sleeping but I have commitments so I got up and dressed and ready. I actually felt pretty good by the time I got to the train. And I once again got the early train because it was late and I was there. Which is fine just makes me feel annoyed because I could have stayed in bed 5 more minutes.

People were all very sad and confused that knew Gerry, my old man friend. Not a lot of camp knew him but those who did were sad and those who didn’t were sympathetic. Also my favorite walkie was no more as well so it just felt like one more thing not going well in my world. But I smiled and I tried to dance a little and keep my spirits up.

Today was fun overall. First thing we saw a trashcan rocket and then an imax movie about sharks. I ended up falling asleep a little in that but really just cause I was tired, it wasn’t boring or anything. The rest of the day went well. We made shark repellent surfboards. And we had lunch. And we went outside. And we made cave paintings. It was messy and fun and I think they really liked it. And I showed them pictures on my tablet about the projects we were making. Honestly it was a fun day even though I felt like there was an air of sadness behind me.

Allison, who I apparently am the evil twin of according to some campers, came in about half way through the day and brought me mini York peppermint patties which are my favorite right now. She said she remembered and she hoped it brightened me up and it did. Honestly it was just such a great random act of kindness and I already thought she was great and that just made her nicer.

My brother let me know that the infection is finally responding to the meds but now they have told him he has to stay in the hospital for the next 4 weeks and he apparently punched something and bruised up his arm from that. At least he didn’t punch someone I guess. I really hate that he cant just come home but I guess I understand. I’m going to spend some time this week looking for his laptop so he can at least get some stuff done or be entertained while he’s stuck there.

I also got an email response from a woman at PCAT and I have an interview next week. Finally. Its not in the best area but I’m not super worried. Its part time but I’m happy for anything right now honestly.

I met up with Sarah after work and Skyy ended up being there as well. We talked outside of moore for an hour and it felt really good to get everything off my chest. Then me and Sarah went to the body shop and I got a sandwich and we sat and talked. It was good to see her. I sometimes feel like I would bother her if I ask if she wants to hang out because she has so much on her plate, but I love her and I’m glad she was able to chill.

I got home a little while ago and my mom is back and I ended up spending time catching up with her. I have many things I need to do and I want to be in bed before 10 so I need to get it together. Wish me luck getting through the week! Its the final stretch.

Just got an interview for next week at the Philly center for arts and technology!!

Me and grey cat had a moment and I was just sitting on the floor adn she was sitting in the chair and she stood up and head butted me. It was aweosm.e Then she started purring. Well at least how she purrs which is just faster wheezing. And rubbed all over my arm. It was great. 

Today just seems to be getting worse. I’m trying very hard not to freak out again. I screamed at my dad earlier. I just want today to be over.

I woke up at 6 and didn’t think things were going to be so bad. Steve had texted me he loved me and while it was very cold out I felt pretty good. I got ready and had breakfast and left before 7.

I read all the way to work and was happy to get hugs when I got there. I told my friends about my brother and everything that’s happening and Colleen, my co counselor, promised to try to make my week easier. Then she told me her boy of 2 and a half years told her on her birthday on Friday that he didn’t love her anymore. Low blow dude. So were being support for eachother.

The rest of the work day actually wasn’t so bad. I had good lunch, the kids I have are sweet. We made plastic bag bracelets and marshmallow structures. It was beautiful outside and I felt okay. Sad but okay. My friend Megan made a comment about how many tiny kids were out in the park but said “there are to many tinyes” and I thought she said “there are too many Chinese” and was very confused. It was a good laugh all around.

I ended up getting a whole line of 1st graders hugs from my last week class and that was really nice. Even that girl I was afraid I had made think I hated her. So that was cool. It brightened my day considerable.

What wasn’t fun was arguing with my dad in texts about where to get pizza. Its such a dumb argument and we keep having it. Whatever. I got home and I was not feeling so hot. I had started having horrible chest pains again around 3 and it was hard to breathe and I wanted to go home. Then when I go to put together food me and dad started yelling because I cursed because I cut myself when I was trying to open a container with a knife and then because he said I was being a bitch and honestly nothing will piss me off more then him calling me that. He’s just doing it to hurt me. He wouldn’t say that to my brother. Just me or mom when we don’t act like he wants. And I don’t think he even realizes it.  Then I went in my room and found my fish dead. Then I found out my friend Gerry died. And my chest still hurt.

I ended up eating and it calmed me down. And I dried out my fish to make a resin piece out of him so at least he’ll be beautiful. If he doesn’t explode like my mouse.

I also ended up getting a powerpoint job from a camper’s grandparent today. I’m making a big yearbook scan for their 50th highschool reunion. So I just spent the last 2 hours learning to use our scanner and scanning the whole thing. I’m going to crop everything and put it together this week and set it to music. So at least I’m making some money that way.

I’m still really torn up though. Sarah is going to come to the city tomorrow and were going to hang out when I’m done work so I’m happy about that. But still sad.

But now I’m going to go read and sleep. 

Look how beautiful and perfect my mom is though. 

Look how beautiful and perfect my mom is though. 

now i find out that my old man friend gerry from work died. 

came home and found my fish dead. im miserable and this close to just saying fuck it and leavin gthe house. 

I decided not to skip my injection today. I’m just going to hope I don’t have the same issues with the insurance next month. I just want to feel well you know? And the stress is killing me. So many things are stressing me out right now. I wish I could just call out of work and lay in bed but I want to be at work and it’s the last week of camp. I’m just going to try to take deep breaths.

I slept pretty well last night but I had really bizarre dreams. I dreamed I was in the Xmen and somehow Wolverine turned into a balloon animals and I popped him by accident. It was so bizarre. But I felt really good when I got up. I had leftover pancakes for breakfast and I tried not to hate my hair. I’m just really not liking it right now. It wont lay right in the front and I am in the mood to cut it but I also really want it to be long. I’m hoping when the humidity goes down it will settle more.

I had planned on waking up early and folding my clothes and working on some art. But my clothes in the dryer were still wet and I didn’t have any cups to mix my resin. So that was annoying. My dad called me at 11 though and let me know we were going to see Steve around noon. But then Steve texted us that his girlfriend was coming over there so they wanted to be alone but that wouldn’t be until 3 so we came over anyhow. I had gone through his clothes pile in his room and found some pull over hoodies for him. I couldn’t find the ekco one he had described so I found some options for him. I also picked up a pack of cards because he made a comment yesterday about wanting to work on his magic trick stuff since he cant do much else.

We got there and he was pretty out of it. But we hung out for like an hour and a half and it was nice to talk to him. We watched youtube videos and discussed important things.  I want him to be better. Honestly he was talking about possibly being paralyzed today. And I know it’s a real concern but I hate that he has to sit there and think about that. He will be coming home with us. I just want him to be okay but I will take him in any shape as long as he’s alive.

Me and dad left and went to saladworks for lunch and they had my favorite soup and I was pretty pumped. We talked and it was good.  I felt really tired though and after picking up a few things I forgot to get at target we went home.

I actually only bought green things at acme. I got a green pepper, 3 green apples, chives, and the green coconut water. It made me laugh.

I actually got a lot of art started or worked on today. I’m pretty happy with myself. Like I got resin poured and things seal coated. I sketched. I set up the next 2 pieces I’m making. I’m sort of very excited. Maybe I will have them really ready by the time I’m completing my portfolio for grad school.

For like an hour I made potatoes and watched tv. I also packed my lunch. I found my lunch tray thing with the compartments from when I lived in the apartment so I filled that with snacks for lunch tomorrow.  Now though I just want to rest. I trimmed my hair a little to try to help myself like it more and not be so mad at it. I painted my nails but they chipped already so I painted them on top of the chips.

Last week of camp! The theme is Best of Camp. So its going to be wild and exciting. Wish me luck!

should i grow my bangs out again?

everythingispoetry:

engrprof:

impling:

cerulean-tmp:

nonespark:

ask-gallows-callibrator:

wintercoffin:

brotoro:

cherryblossomsparkle:

did-you-kno:

Source

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT ACTUALLY
THIS MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY 

he was 100% against preaching to unwilling people, too, and all for bringing religion into the lives of those who wanted it. he would often say that those who pray loudly in front of others were the worst kind of believers

what a cool dude

it makes me sad when people mischaracterize jesus like he was literally the nicest dude ever like he could be anyones bff if he tried because he was so rad like i hate christians who make him seem rude like lol no stopv

YES YES YES.
this is because the pharisees would go out into public, get on their knees, and pray where everyone could see them.
because they wanted everyone to see how good they were and how pious, because they were sort of religious authority.
but jesus came and told people to do the opposite, because he wanted them to be humble.
because God wants you to be devoted to a relationship with Him, not to be devoted to making sure others think highly of you.
jesus also encouraged people to do good deeds quietly, or even anonymously.
because he wanted you to do good deeds for the sake of others, not for how good it’ll make you feel or for others to praise you.
jesus was the absolute coolest and i fucking hate it when anyone points fingers at a certain group of people and says “GOD HATES-” NO HE DOESN’T.
THAT WAS HIS WHOLE THING. HE LITERALLY LOVED EVERYONE.&#160;????

This is the type of Christianity and Christians that I like.

engrprof i seem to be reminded of you with this…

I have tears in my eyes. I so want to be a person that makes you think of a loving Jesus but I’m not nearly as kind as I want to be.  But it makes me feel good that apparently I’m making progress!  Thank you!


#canon jesus is better than fanon jesus



 

everythingispoetry:

engrprof:

impling:

cerulean-tmp:

nonespark:

ask-gallows-callibrator:

wintercoffin:

brotoro:

cherryblossomsparkle:

did-you-kno:

Source

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT ACTUALLY

THIS MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY 

he was 100% against preaching to unwilling people, too, and all for bringing religion into the lives of those who wanted it. he would often say that those who pray loudly in front of others were the worst kind of believers

what a cool dude

it makes me sad when people mischaracterize jesus like he was literally the nicest dude ever like he could be anyones bff if he tried because he was so rad like 
i hate christians who make him seem rude like lol no stopv

YES YES YES.

this is because the pharisees would go out into public, get on their knees, and pray where everyone could see them.

because they wanted everyone to see how good they were and how pious, because they were sort of religious authority.

but jesus came and told people to do the opposite, because he wanted them to be humble.

because God wants you to be devoted to a relationship with Him, not to be devoted to making sure others think highly of you.

jesus also encouraged people to do good deeds quietly, or even anonymously.

because he wanted you to do good deeds for the sake of others, not for how good it’ll make you feel or for others to praise you.

jesus was the absolute coolest and i fucking hate it when anyone points fingers at a certain group of people and says “GOD HATES-” NO HE DOESN’T.

THAT WAS HIS WHOLE THING. HE LITERALLY LOVED EVERYONE. ????

This is the type of Christianity and Christians that I like.

engrprof i seem to be reminded of you with this…

I have tears in my eyes. I so want to be a person that makes you think of a loving Jesus but I’m not nearly as kind as I want to be.  But it makes me feel good that apparently I’m making progress!  Thank you!

 

Last night was so exhausting. And I felt like I slept forever. I woke up at 9 and decided to go back to bed for a while. I got up for real at 1030 and showered. I really just wanted to go back to bed. But I had things to do.

Me and dad were going to visit Steve around lunch time; I convinced him to take me to IHOP first. I put my laundry in the washing machine and finished getting dressed while he got ready. It was pretty chilly today but also muggy and rainy. It was great. But I was very much not happy with dad. He was driving really horribly and almost drifted in the cars, didn’t use his turn signal, was distracted by his phone and almost hit a car going the other direction. So I wasn’t very happy when we got to the restaurant.

Then he wanted to sit in the car and talk to my mom on the phone, but this IHOP wont seat you if everyone isn’t there and it was only a 5 minute wait and when they called my name he still wasn’t in the building and I told them and I apologized but they said they guessed it was fine this time. But he ended up walking in like a minute later. I told him how I wasn’t happy with him. But I still tried to have a nice lunch.

I got pancakes and fries and eggs, and he got a gardeny omelet. We had nice talks but then my work situation came up and I ended up in tears because he said the exact stuff I knew he was going to say about how I don’t have a full time job and how working one day a week for the same pay I was making a full week in guest services was ridiculous. And yes I know that, but its not like I’m not going to keep trying for another job. I just have been feeling so bad about myself this summer and I am trying so hard and when they joke or make comments about me moving or getting a job it kills me inside. I feel like they don’t get that I’m tearing myself up over this.

I tried to pull it together best I could but this is a really sore topic for me.

We went to see Steve after that and honestly that was hard too. He was very upset when we got there because he found out the infection is very bad and no surgeon in the hospital will do it. So he will have to be moved and its incredibly invasive surgery. Honestly I’m really scared. I tried to cheer him up with chats and I brought some games to play. We played UrbanMyth and Set for a few hours. We talked a lot and he tried to eat. It went back and forth with him seeming alright to him being in agony. I hate seeing him like this. But I’ve spent more time with him this week then I have in a year. So silver lining I guess? I think he is trying to figure out how to watch Netflix on his phone since he cant do much else right now. I’m trying to get him to listen to Welcome to Nightvale because I think he would enjoy it. But I don’t know if he will.

We left there around 430 and I needed to not be home. So I took Jess up on her offer to hang out and I picked up around 530.  We went to target and bought food. Then CVS to exchange my dry shampoo again, but I went with a different one that was actually cheaper so I got a $1 something off. Then we went to Joann’s to use a 50% off coupon I had so I could buy a big box of resin. But they didn’t have any so we went to Michal’s and they had the $35 box so I got that for $18. Awesome.

I was feeling pretty terrible by then though. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. My heart and ribs were hurting bad and I was hearing my phone’s ring tone even though nothing was actually ringing. So I took Jess home and went back to make food. By the time I got home the pain was so bad I couldn’t breathe and dad kept wanting to ask me question and I just want him to stop. I was having trouble focusing. I made tiny tacos and it made me feel mostly better.  I just need to get in bed now really.

I would like to work on art tomorrow and apply for jobs and see Steve. We will see what happens.

Goodnight. 

rosalarian:

pourquoi-nutmeg:

nortonism:

The thing about this is that sculptures like these in art history were for the male gaze. Photoshop a phone to it and suddenly she’s seen as vain and conceited. That’s why I’m 100% for selfie culture because apparently men can gawk at women but when we realize how beautiful we are we’re suddenly full of ourselves…

YES.

Girls don’t let anyone tell you loving yourself is vanity.

rosalarian:

pourquoi-nutmeg:

nortonism:

The thing about this is that sculptures like these in art history were for the male gaze. Photoshop a phone to it and suddenly she’s seen as vain and conceited. That’s why I’m 100% for selfie culture because apparently men can gawk at women but when we realize how beautiful we are we’re suddenly full of ourselves…

YES.

Girls don’t let anyone tell you loving yourself is vanity.

(Source: nevver)